Monday, February 21, 2011

*Deep Sigh*

Stunned. Numb. Angry. Sigh of relief. Anxious. Calm. And some bittersweetness mixed in....That is just a few of the ways I am feeling right now.

We are not moving to Memphis. D lost his job.

Thank You Jesus we never actually moved. Can you imagine that? We would be stuck in a new city for no reason! So hallelujah for every door that closed on those houses.
I never ever had a good feeling about this move. That was very evident with my horrific reaction when we went & visited. There was something about the boss I never trusted, from the moment we met him. I'm not going to get into the details, but I will just say that the "boss" was not a nice person...At all. I was shocked at some of his actions or lack there of. We are now finding out more things, that makes us even more grateful that D is no longer there. Some shady business was going on.

I am heartbroken for D. Even though this was a move I did not want to make, I was overjoyed for him, since it was a job that he was excited about. And in my prayers I never once asked the Lord to fix it so we wouldn't have to move. I was just trying to embrace it the best I knew how. I spent time searching out all kinds of things that we would be able to explore once we were settled there. I had a list of churches I wanted to visit. I was "preparing" for the move mentally. And now I don't quite know what to feel. It's like in my mind I had said goodbye to so many things. My house is for the most part packed up. That feels odd. I have lived in limbo for 10 weeks. Just sorta dangling here not knowing where I would land. Now it's a strange feeling...It's very difficult to explain. I am soooo glad we are not having to move, but I guess the parts of me that had began showing glimmers of hope towards that move, don't know exactly where they fit now.

Then there is the whole insurance thing. We have been counting down the days until we got insurance, because I have been having some health issues lately & stress has only magnified them. Not sure what we are going to do now. If you have insurance, don't take it for grated is all I gotta say.

The last 4-5 months have been a rollercoaster ride of emotions. I'm not sure what the point of it all was. But I know that Lord has His ways...And He knows what is what. We have so much to be thankful for. Maybe these last 10 weeks were just a way to pay the bills, until something better came along. Or maybe the Lord wanted to know if we would be willing "go" if He said so. We may never know the reasons.

Some good things have come out of it. My bedroom furniture got painted. Since my house was packed up, most of my Spring cleaning is done.

There are some blessings in disguise...

Now it's time to pick up the pieces & unpack.

6 comments:

  1. Last night we had our first SOAK gathering at church. (don't know if you were there or not) Anyway, Pastor Mark shared 3 little words that God had gave him. Little words, yet so big too. They were "I Got This!"

    That's all I'm going to say to you!

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  2. i'm not sure how i'd feel either... confused maybe

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  3. Hey Crystal..been a while commenting but I'm still here and so sorry for hear this but like you so positively said.....maybe there is a reason for this.

    It is better to find out the truth now rather than after moving there....take care and yes I'm sure you have all the support from your family.

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  4. Oh Crystal. YOu sweetheart you. I am happy you're not moving to Memphis because I knew it just didn't feel right for you. Now what? You and D are in my prayers, most definitely. I will be praying for a job that he loves and keeps you close to home.

    Now, the insurance part. Google "Golden Rule". It is an insurance company that is very cheap that they sell to you during the interim. I think you can do this for up to 6 months to a year.

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  5. deep sigh with you, sweetheart! I like what Eric said, Mark said, God said ;) "I Got This!" I know He does. Love you!

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