Sunday, December 26, 2010

Unexpected Emotions

I can't believe that Christmas is over & that the weekend is coming to a close.
Last Monday morning when week 2 of commuting began, I thought I would be OK. I was completely fine the first week D was gone. But that 2nd Monday morning of making sure everything was packed & him leaving was my undoing once again. The tears came out of no where & were shocking to me. When D was not in the room I would have to take deep breaths to keep myself from hyperventilating. I am NOT. I repeat...am NOT trying to be a cry baby or "whiny" about this move. I am just still not excepting it yet & I don't know why. I wish I could explain it, but I don't understand it either. My reactions to it all is not what I myself have expected. I feel like I am just in the weird dream world that I will wake up from any minute & things will be back to normal. These last few weeks have gone by way too fast & I have been clinging to every moment that I can. Maybe all of this happening at that holidays & my birthday are making my emotions be on high alert or something. Things are much more sentimental during this time of year & I'll be honest, even though December is my most favorite month, it's also the most difficult time of year for me.

Today is Sunday...I have spent the day washing D's clothes & packing things up once again, while spending as much time with him as I possibly can. Thankfully this week will be another short one, with a long weekend.

Tonight, I did begin packing up things for the move. One box to be exact! My house is in the most horrendous shape possible right now. It's filthy & there are empty boxes piling up everywhere. I think I will begin with making space in one of the extra bedrooms for storing all of the boxes that are packed up. And something I am very sad about...My Christmas trees will come down this week. That has never ever happened. Throughout this last week, I have been doing alot of reflecting. It is something I tend to do around Christmas, because Christmas seems to mark milestones in my life. I wonder what next Christmas will look like? I have never had to travel for the Holidays. So, that will be something entirely new for me.

We should hear about a house we are hoping to get this week. As soon as we know if we have it, that is one step closer to the big move. *deep sigh*

3 comments:

  1. I am so sorry to hear about the anguish and anxiety but I suppose you would feel better crying it out and I only wish I was there to share your emotions as well.

    Hang on there Sis :D

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  2. Hmmm...I should have you a box of chocolate :D

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  3. ((sigh)). Oh honey. I think these are all normal emotions. You're leaving 'home'. You're leaving all the people you love - your family. Please let me know when you are moving. I want you to meet my friend Cindy. She is 50, someone older to look up to - her husband was a minister for many, many years so she understands. Her husband is now a professor at a Christian school in Memphis. Please trust me when I say you should meet her. I think she will be a God-send for you. Let me do this for you - please.

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